The other day a friend asked me, “Do therapists have their own therapists?” It’s an interesting question, and one that deserves a thorough and honest answer.
The short answer is yes, many therapists see their own personal therapists for counseling. Naturally, this might come as a surprise to some individuals. However, the personal reasons for why a professional therapist might choose to attend counseling may be different from the events that progressively lead a client to seek treatment. For example, most of the clients I work with initially state that they feel ashamed and resentful towards themselves for seeking a therapist. They often report feeling like they should be able to figure out how to resolve all of their problems on their own, and thus are frustrated that they need the help of another person to feel calm again. I think it’s perfectly reasonable and understandable for clients to feel that way, particularly in the early stages of counseling, because society (particularly Western society) often praises people for being independent and on their own.
However, independence/isolation/autonomy is a lie. There is not one single action that any person carries out in their daily lives that does not have a direct impact on other people in the world. Children play and interact with each other at school, which then translates to their relationship dynamics with their siblings and parents at home. Working professionals communicate with each other to complete projects that impact their communities. Even reading a book changes the way a person sees the world, which undoubtedly influences what they say (or don’t say) to people within their social circles.
Finding Support
Thus, when a client asks me, “Do therapists have therapists?” what they really want to know is, “Can you relate to what I am experiencing right now? Do you know what it’s like to feel so desperate to have to ask someone else for help?”
I often respond by telling my clients that I do see my own therapist (an incredibly intelligent and empathetic man), and that I empathize with their reasons for feeling ashamed in coming to therapy and asking for help.
However (and here’s the kicker), therapists are not embarrassed about seeking counseling because they see their work with their own therapists as an opportunity for personal growth and evolution. A common philosophy amongst humanistic counselors like myself is that the counseling relationship is about two people coming together to heal and grow within a strong and genuine connection. (This is known as the “I-Thou” relationship.) Human beings are naturally social creatures. So why wouldn’t an individual seek out support and connection from other people in order to learn more about themselves and their own personal needs?
The Ultimate Goal of Professional Counseling
I say all of this because I believe that what you’re searching for in therapy is actually the direct opposite of what you THINK you want/need. The ultimate goal of counseling is not to be immune to life’s problems, or to pretend as though you should be able to resolve all of your internal struggles by yourself. Rather, professional counseling is designed to help you feel seen and supported as you grow and develop into the person that you were always meant to be. The therapeutic relationship is practice for being your genuine self in other relationships outside of the counseling room.
The struggles that you are currently facing are the direct result of not feeling heard and understood by others. But that’s why I’m here. I will be with you as you progressively uncover and embrace your true, authentic, courageous self.
Let’s walk this path together.
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